Tag Archives: relationships

The Bread Goes In The Basket, Not The Drawer

10 Sep

Living with your significant other brings so many exciting bonuses. You can save tons of money on rent and utilities. There are thousands of effortless opportunities for bonding and relationship building. AND you can make someone else check behind the shower curtain for monsters. What’s not to love?

When Vince and I were considering moving in together, after a year of dating long distance, we couldn’t wait to conjoin the many simple intricacies of our separate lives: eating dinner, grocery shopping, watching tv. Of course, as every couple should do before making such an important decision, we discussed our expectations about money and bills, home decor, and schedules. The planning was wonderful and the “honeymoon stage” couldn’t have been better.

‘THE BREAK-UP’

Once reality set in about three months later, things began to change. Little things, little behavioral actions and personality traits – which we could never have thought about in advance – revealed themselves and slowly our relationship was growing, developing in a way we never expected.

Luckily for me, things did NOT go sour. We often joke about our silly preferences and the things that make us both who we are as individuals. The small differences and the many similarities in who we are as two separate people compound to build our cohesive unit, our strong bond. We do reflect regularly on how our differing opinions and preferences in certain aspects of life complement each other and on how we might be able to make compromises. Ultimately, I love our life together and I think we are exactly where we should be at this point in our relationship.

That doesn’t mean, however, that we don’t have disagreements about the weirdest of things. In the beginning, I always worried that we fought too much about stupid stuff and thought maybe we weren’t meant to be dating. I mean, who fights about whether the bread should go in a drawer or in a basket? Oh yes, we fought about that.

Thankfully, we aren’t alone. Many blogs have covered this topic and you’d be surprised at the hilarious responses when couples are asked: what’s the silliest fight you and your partner have had? One of my favorites is Single Dad Laughing‘s 23 of the SILLIEST Fights Ever.

One of the best interpretations is Buzzfeed’s new “Weird Things All Couples Fight About” video. It captures this entire relationship transformation perfectly. It is a MUST-SEE! Check it out below.

 

The good news is if you and your significant other are plagued by ridiculous arguments, you’re not alone. It is perfectly normal to have preferences that don’t exactly match up. The key is to talk through them and find a balance that works.

Now I have to ask: what is the silliest thing you and your partner have fought about?

 

How to Argue… Productively (and what not to do)

22 Jul

A short two years in and we were at a turning point. Do the “Terrible Two’s” exist in relationships? After a recent argument my man and I had, I was beginning to think they do.

For a few weeks, things were somewhat rocky. With lots of traveling, working and unexpected expenses over the last month, we were irritable to say the least. We questioned our own happiness. The good news? We survived!

Some couples, however, are not as fortunate. They give up. They give in. They let frustration and painful words take over and ruin a potentially good thing.

Though raging outbursts of name-calling and yelling will never lead to a solution, it can sometimes become the path of choice when it comes to arguing. The heat of the moment takes over and next thing you know you’re kicking a whole in the wall.

I’ve learned, however, in our short two years together and our even shorter 9 months of living together, that arguing is a necessity. It is a form of conflict resolution. But, we are all human and sometimes when the opportunity to unleash bottled up emotions presents itself, we jump! However, arguing should be productive. It should reveal information, offer an opportunity to evaluate and communicate and most importantly, create a path for moving forward.

Here’s my advice to have a productive argument:

DO:

Take a moment

Sometimes, you just need a minute. Am I right? If your brain is telling you to pause, it is probably in anticipation of a wild outburst. Take that moment to breath, regain composure and develop a relevant, thoughtful and meaningful response to the matter at hand.

Evaluate the problem(s)

Discuss together what is actually bothering you. This can be a painful process as some things may be brought up that neither of you want to hear. For example, she hates how long your stories are and you’re mad she never listens. Or, he hates the way you kick his shoes out of your way and you’re mad he’s so sloppy. Now this is where things typically get ugly. It feels like an attack, so you immediately come to your own defense. Instead, just listen. Offer the respect of listening and processing the information. Then, when you’re ready, take your turn to vent. Say everything that needs to be said. Everything that you call your girlfriends about to complain. Everything you chug a beer for to wash away.

Communicate your feelings

There is no doubt that bringing up your issues with each other will elicit some serious emotions. Anger, annoyance, embarrassment, to name a few. Just like Nick Miller from New Girl, we don’t all feel comfortable expressing our feelings. It is difficult to express and admit these things – you become vulnerable. Expressing the reality of your feelings however should not be perceived as weakness. It is honesty and trust. The ability to share your emotions and thoughts with each other will strengthen your bond and intimacy.

Agree on how to move forward

Are these fixable problems? Is this worth it? Can we move past this? Ask yourself these questions. What are your personal answers? Then, ask each other and just chat. Take the time to be brutally honest with each other and get on the same page.

DON’T:

Bring up old brawls

“Well you’re the one who _______ last month.” We’ve all heard this, right? Bringing up old brawls is only adding fuel to a blazing fire. It is unnecessary and even dangerous. Old brawls that have no significance in your current argument are useless cheap shots that, when brought up, elicit more frustration and divert the path to resolving the current issue.

Resort to bashing

Attacking one’s character, skill, interests or looks is simply immature and wasteful. It is hurtful and digs the hole much deeper. Bashing is not going to solve the problem and it isn’t going to make anyone feel better. Calling someone a cotton-headed ninny muggins is really just a waste of time and energy. Bashing is a way to even create more problems in your relationship.

 Become passive-aggressive

Making passive-aggressive comments is the absolute worst. There is nothing more annoying, don’t you think? Passive aggressive comments set you up for failure. Its like saying, “I’m mad at you. But I’m not going to tell you I’m mad at you. Instead, I’m going to drop a hint that I’m mad at you and hope that you say something about it. Otherwise, we’ll keep dancing around the problem and I’ll keep being pissy.” How productive is that? Not productive at all. In fact, it is going to further your frustration!

 

There is no secret real secret on how to argue successfully. That’s why I’ve called it productive arguing. I can’t sit here and pretend that my man and I don’t argue. We certainly do our fair share of arguing. The key is to argue in a way that leads to a solution and leaves all parties feeling relieved and ready to move on.

 

How have you and your significant other avoided crazy arguments? What seems to work for you two?

 

 

DIY Valentine’s Day: 14 Days of Valentines

23 Jan

One of the biggest consumerist holidays is quickly approaching: Valentine’s Day! Despite the societal pressure to spend tons of money on big extravagant gifts and romantic gestures, Valentine’s Day is a lovely holiday. Sure we should be showing each other this love year-round but the fact of the matter is, we don’t! Things get in the way and unfortunately some relationships get put on the back burner. So, it is what it is. Plus, Valentine’s Day comes at such a dreary time of the year – dead of winter – and its a great emotional boost to get you through those last few weeks of cold.

Since I am taking a vacation to Florida in March, we’ve decided to go cheap on Valentine’s Day. Well that doesn’t sound romantic at all! You’d be surprised, actually. Pinterest really came to my rescue when searching for DIY Valentine’s Day gifts. Good news – they’re all edible! Here’s my list of favorites and suggestions:

1. Hooked on you!

♥ Fill a mason jar with gummy worms to look like bait♥ -Thanks The Dating Divas!

2. Will you “chews” to be my valentine?

♥Use a pack or piece of gum♥ -Thanks It Happened Like This!

3. You light up my life!

♥With a candle, a new lighter, birthday candles, or a flashlight♥ Great valentine for anyone! Thanks Real Simple!

4. I love you to pieces!

♥Jar of Reese’s Pieces♥ This would be an adorable gift from daughter to father. – Thanks The Frugal Girls!

5. We just fit.

♥Puzzle pieces♥ Cute gift idea for a couple who have been dating long-term. – Thanks Real Simple!

6. You’re my main squeeze!

♥Bottle of orange juice♥ Give this unique valentine to your best friend. Thanks See Vanessa Craft!

7. We’re a perfect match!

♥Pack of matches♥ Could work for best friends, sisters, or a couple! Thanks Real Simple!

8. You’re the king/queen of my heart.

♥King/queen from a deck of cards♥ Perfect diy valentine card for a husband or wife. – Thanks Real Simple!

9. You’re one in a million!

♥Jar full of a colored candy with one candy of another color♥ Use M&M’s, bubblegum balls, skittles, anything! -Thanks Knocked Up and Abroad!

10. You’re a great catch!

♥Gift bag of Goldfish♥ Easy diy valentine for classmates or close friends. – Thanks Rock Paper Cricut!

11. You’re so juicy! (or) Love Juice

♥Bottle of water with crystal light packet♥ Clever diy valentine for a boyfriend. – Thanks At Second Street!

12. You make me hot. (or) You’re a hot tamale.

♥Gift bag of hot tamales♥ -Thanks Poofy Cheeks!

13. Don’t ever change.

♥Bag of candy change from the dollar store or fake change or real change♥ Could be a meaningful valentine from son to mother. – Thanks Jacolyn Murphy!

14. Blow me a kiss!

♥Bag of bubble gum balls and hershey kisses♥ Cute father-to-daughter diy valentine. – Thanks The Frugal Girls!

The great thing about most of these valentine’s is they don’t always have to be for a significant other. They can be used for father-to-daughters valentine’s or friend-to-friend. Have fun!

Life Lessons from Bridesmaids

6 Jan

If any of you love Bridesmaids as much as I do, check out my latest column on PostGradProblems where I offer some of the many life lessons one can extract from this hilarious stone-cold pack of weirdos.

Let me know what you think!

25 Ways to Make Him Smile

23 Nov

Smile

1. Make and serve hot cocoa in bed

2. Dust off that old crockpot and make some spicy chili for Sunday football

3. Earn the key to his heart with seasonal baked goods

4. Sleep in together and stay cozy and comfy all day

5. Dress up as one of Santa’s elves

6. Buy him a pair fan gear flannel pajama pants

7. Turn up the heat and host your own hot yoga sesh…couple’s version

8. Make your own pizza together

9. Surprise him with seasonal flavor to his morning coffee

10. Hop in the car and take a night drive to who knows where

11. Take him to a basketball game

12. Dress up as Mrs. Claus

13. Challenge him to a game of Scrabble…winner gets a massage

14. Take him on a bar crawl to test local craft beers

15. Tell him a corny Christmas joke

16. Go window shopping for his dream man cave

17. Camp out in the living room for a night and tell stories by the candlelight

18. Order Chinese and watch holiday movies all day and night

19. Dress up as a reindeer

20. Satisfy both parties by hanging a sports fan holiday wreath

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21. Throw on your coats and go for a hike

22. Make a personalized coupon book filled with his favorite freebies

23. Text him something scandalous while at a family party

24. Kiss him on the cheek for no reason

25. Tell him you wouldn’t give up this Christmas with him for the world

today was meaningful

a collection of thoughts, life lessons, and days full of meaning.

Higher Ed Geek

Celebrating geeks and nerds on campus since 2013.

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Media talk from the post-grad point of view

Gen Y Girl

Twentysomething. Annoyed with corporate BS. Obsessed with Gen Y. Not bratty. Just opinionated.

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